Gospel-Powered Parenting (9)

Discipline that Preaches

The goal is not just morality. It is new birth. We do not get birth by being moral; rather it is new birth that produces morality. Therefore, wise parents aim their discipline at the heart. Fundamentally, Christian parents discipline heart attitudes not behaviors. If we reach the heart, the desired behavior will follow permanently and volitionally.

Using Discipline to Teach the Gospel

1) The first step is the most difficult. It is consistency. God expects us to obey on the first command. It is how we express love for Him. It is our duty to train our children to express love for God by obeying.

2) We should always put discipline in the context of love. Say something like this: "the Bible tells us that God disciplines us because He loves us. That is why I discipline you...most importantly if I don't discipline you God will. Because I fear God and I love you, I'm going to spank you."

3) When appropriate, reference scripture. This convinces the child that you are under God's authority, that you are responsible to a higher law, and that he/she should be also.

4) Make sure it hurts. It must hurt enough to earn the child's fear and respect.

5) Hold the child until he/she stops crying. This communicates love and affection. It connects the pain of discipline with physical affection. This connection will be very important when, in later life, God takes over your child's discipline.

6) Use the discipline event to rehearse the gospel. Your children cannot hear it too frequently.

7) Ask them to verbally confess the specific sin for which they are being disciplined. "Are you ready to ask God to forgive you for the sin of..." If your child answers no, your discipline has not succeeded. You may need to start again.

8) Finally, have your children perform restitution if he/she has harmed someone.

The Fear of God

The fear of God reminds us that the failure to discipline has consequences. If we don't discipline our children, God will. The fear of God equips parents to overcome the fear of their children. They can disappoint their children but they dare not disappoint God. Why? They believe that God is sovereign over their children's hearts.